But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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