my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
