She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
