If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
