batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
