Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
