Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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