I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Barsexuality is the new black.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
