hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
