i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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