when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
