He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
