It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
