i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
