they need to just BURY HIM!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
