OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
