So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
