You're so nebulous sometimes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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