Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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