how can u be prego again
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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