So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
