would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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