Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
