When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
