So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
