she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
