I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
