Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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