Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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