420 ftw
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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