I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
