first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
