Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
