He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm really busy with my period
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