my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
