Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
