Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
