I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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