....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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