we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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