It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
