had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
how drunk are you?
Several
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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