I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
