There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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