woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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