Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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