Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
