god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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