I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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