lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
