I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
