I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
